1. |
Anguished
05:55
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My vision is fading
Feeling of nothing
Memory fades
Breathing stops
You will not understand
That this pain is too much
And the agony I buried in my heart
Was too much
I said I was fine
With watery eyes
You've never noticed
Nobody ever has
My time has come
And I lost all strength
Vision… blurry
Feeling… nothing
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2. |
Bleeding scars
09:12
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Life falls apart
Crumbling beneath my feet
Lies are all around me
Bleeding scars and reopened wounds
That escapes my heart
Why did we get so cold?
I feel so numb and lost
Your lies deceived
Meaning from my being
And I'm still holding on
It's more than just a memory
To me
Bleeding through the cracks
To recollect fragments from a past
That is fading from my vision
Fading away
With my hands melted in yours
But you turned so cold
Why must I hold on?
To false promises and deceitful memories
Lying so helpless
So forgotten
Everything feels so bittersweet now
And it's time to say goodbye…
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3. |
You fucking ruined me
02:48
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|
I'm fading
Like your love for me
And as hard as I try
I feel invisible
Nobody notices me anymore
You ruined my life
You fucking ruined me
I will never be the same
This feeling of emptiness
Created a void in my chest
That will never be filled…
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4. |
||||
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We used to gaze up at the stars
And witness as they were born
I placed your heart with mine
And we sang through the night
It was a mistake
To place your heart with mine
Every time I got close
You drew me away
Ever since you've left
I caged my heart
In solid concrete
I will never love again
Not even myself
I push everyone away
Living in a dark room
Even my tears are dry
My throat burns
My eyes, bloodshot
Every since you've left me
Here in the darkest corners
Of my mind
I've been afraid to leave
I see you everytime
I close my eyes
I see you almost every night
I hope this night will be my last
I often think of swallowing
All the pills I can find
So I can overdose in my sleep
And I'm afraid tonight may be that night
You'll see me soon
If you try hard enough
Play the fucking victim
See if I care
Because I don't anymore
It just hurts inside
Not like you care though
You never did
Each time I look up at the stars
I think of you
And remember what we once was
I also remember how you betrayed me
Nothing can hurt more than this
I wish I knew how to let you go
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5. |
||||
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I left you so long ago
I left you, so I can suffer in the dark
For so long you became
A false reality, a space in my head
Which no longer felt real
For so long
I found myself so lost
And now I see that my voice
Keeps on fading
But every trace of you
Remains branded in my memory
I feel broken
Something inside me hurts
Remember me as only a false memory
My time has come
And my words have run out
No more pain
No more anguish
I bottled everything
So I could feel something
For a little longer
I left you so I can suffer in the dark
I left you so long ago
I left you, so I can suffer in the dark
For so long you became
A false reality, a space in my head
Which no longer felt real
I left you so long ago
I left you, so I can suffer in the dark
For so long you became
A false reality, a space in my head
Which no longer felt real
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6. |
Locked away, forever...
12:28
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I slit your wrists
And watch myself escape
From the fabrics you've sewn
Embrace my soul
Into the depths of despair
Drunken in your arms of deceit
Cracking through my chest
You helped me sleep in fear
And now I will never wake
Let me go
So I can cut myself for you
Until I wake again
And I cut myself for you
Reawakening with you
On top…of me
I begged you to stop
Over and over again
Walking from the constant nightmares
Seizing up; thrown me in the jaws
Chew me up, spit me out
When will I feel myself?
When will I feel free?
How do you hold me tight?
My memory is drowning
My conscience is slipping
Beaten with sticks and stones
Lost in the darkness
Trying to find my way
But you still haunt my every dream
I was never meant to be free
Destined to be held in your captivity
Another nightmare
Another panic attack
I feel you pushing your way
On top of me
Punching through the dry wall now
Stain my name
Even if we are apart
We are never apart in my brain
When will you realise
I still see you everywhere
Forever
You drain my veins
I draw the blade
And you rape me in my sleep
Raping me again
Every single night
Every single day
And I will never be free again
This is what you've made of me
A useless toy gone to waste
And I'm bleeding now
Another memory
Gone to waste
Another scar in my heart
There will be another
Buried beneath the surface once again
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7. |
||||
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Looking up at the sky
Dreaming of you
And of what we once was
Feeling the waves crashing
Against my fingertips
I feel like you're always watching
I have given you everything
And you vanished like all the hope
That once lived in my heart
You once was every part of me
And now every piece left
Is begging to die
You've never loved me
And that's the most painful truth
I've had to accept
But yet I still can't accept that
Not yet, not ever
You told me
Without hesitation
You've never loved me
And that's the most painful truth
I've had to accept
But yet I still can't accept that
Not yet, not ever
You told me
Without hesitation
How could you deny me?
And treat me less of a person?
As if I have no feelings
Say what you want
I don't care
I will kill myself without you
Needing to tell me to
I used to love you
But I still feel something
It hurts… so… so much
But you won't ever let me go…
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8. |
Mental collapse
06:46
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Waking up again
Nothing at all feels real
I don't feel real
Why must I exist?
If everything feels artificial
Fake smiles, fake laughs
Drowning in a sea of nothing
That no one else can see
Fading in and out of consciousness
Figuring out what is real
Or if I'm just dead
Ventolin in my system now
Breathing is still shallow
I see shadows
That reappear in different places
I hear his voice
Telling me to cut my wrists
I feel drained
But I hide it well
I've hurt myself the night before
But no one notices
I like it that way
Maybe I will kill myself tonight
Or even tomorrow
Nobody will ever know
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9. |
Wilting in her memory
07:46
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I always felt
You were for me
And now I read through
Every passage that was left
Burning away in my heart
All that's left
Is memories; that refuse to leave
Every day, seems to hurt even more
You were my everything
My shooting star, my wish come true
And all that nights I'd long
To lay between your arms
Those nights will never live again
You're still as beautiful
As the day I've first met you
Grief fills my heart
Like the void of emptiness
You have created for me
I miss you
More and more
I love you
My heart torn open
My lungs collapsed
From endless tears of emptiness
I miss you
More and more
I love you
My heart torn open
My lungs collapsed
From endless tears of emptiness
I miss you
More and more
I love you
My heart torn open
My lungs collapsed
From endless tears of emptiness
I miss you
More and more
I love you
My heart torn open
My lungs collapsed
From endless tears of emptiness
I miss you
More and more
I love you
My heart torn open
My lungs collapsed
From endless tears of emptiness
I miss you
More and more
I love you
My heart torn open
My lungs collapsed
From endless tears of emptiness
I miss you
More and more
I love you
My heart torn open
My lungs collapsed
From endless tears of emptiness
|
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10. |
Pointless existence
06:40
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I used to walk beside you
And lay so cold next to you
Something felt off
But I stayed
Through all the times
You laid your expectations onto me
So many things I kept inside
All this time
I felt hurt and betrayed
How will you not
Talk about the things you've done?
How will you not
Keep the story to how it is?
There's so much proof
But you keep lying your way through life
I feel so destroyed
So wasted, so inhuman
These mental scars I refuse to show
Because I don't know how to move on
I never thought
You could make me feel so cold
I never believed you could switch
And turn to this…
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11. |
When my lips turn blue
07:50
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Drown the light
Drown all thoughts
Sinking in negativity
My image is shattered
In a sea of all things
That I hate
Turning cold
Turning blue
You always said I'd end up alone
And I guess you were right
Living a life of pain and suffering
Just so you can spit in my face
Nobody will miss me
When I fade away
I drain my veins
And lose all my blood
Erase myself from this emptiness
Eradicated from this world
From the torture and pain
My skin is pale
Remember me for who I was
When my lips turn blue
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12. |
||||
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I feel invisible
Nobody notices me anymore
Slipping away
From every reality
That once meant something to me
With this building sense of emptiness
That can never be filled
I left you a final letter
You will never open it
We both know you won't
I begged for you
Only to have the door slammed shut
Into my face…
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13. |
||||
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Holding your hand
Our fingers intertwined
In a knot of emotions
My eyes fixed on you
And all the freckles on your arms
I caught your eye
Staring
Not at me but at the next man
A replacement for me
I guess to fill your void of love
And to create the void for me
Our hands unlock for the last time
Leave me again
We both know you will
I was cold beside you
Like that flame of love that has finally burned out
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Shroud Of Blight England, UK
One woman ambient dsbm
from Cornwall, UK
EST 2021
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